Southern family christmas

itching :: for :: summer

So glad to have a beach trip planned somewhere warm this spring.

meet my vinnie

There is a new man in my life.  I know he looks a little shifty but I promise he gives me no trouble at all and is a really good listener.   He doesn't mind if my hidden from view winter legs are hairy or if I have a headache.

He doesn't even mind if I eat the last piece of chocolate or have bad breath sometimes in the morning. 

He's just an all round sensitive, strong but silent type with a touch of french fashion sense.  What more could a girl want.  I think he's a keeper.

I chose happiness

So I am loving the notion of the almost released The Winter I Chose Happiness album from Clare Bowditch.  Check it out.

I can relate to the title on many levels.  I mean, if ever there was a time to be unhappy it's been pretty valid lately.

Things are changing, hope is swelling, laughter is repeating, groove is coming back.  I mean, I think that this is actually the choice I have personally made.

I choose happiness.  I choose to be a little kinder to myself.  I choose to look despair and discouragement in the face and dare it to do it's worst.

I am coming back to myself and it feels so damn good right now.

And to celebrate, tickets booked to see this super cool lady live right here in downtown Hobart.

Yikes....how fun.

grit, guts and glory

Waiting in the emergency department for x-rays.

I love this guy.  Yesterday's soccer match saw a potential hand injury so we spent some time checking to see whether anything was broken or just bruised.  Fortunately it was the later.....big relief considering Aussie Rules finals are looming, and soccer nationals not much later so definitely not a great time for injury.  

So just some pain and discomfort for a few days no doubt.

We front up to australian football today and I was impressed at how well he was marking which is one of his great skills, brilliant playing and kicking a few goals as well......considering his condition.  

After the game, I asked how the hand was going and he said in a casual manner "excruciating"then a pause, followed by the following remark:-

The pain of losing is would be worse than the pain of my hand.  A true captain and inspiration to me and his mates.  

Less than 24 hours after the hand is hurt and he is carrying one of his team mates up the hill 

after the game as he had a sore leg!  Then shortly afterwards, scooping up his little brother and sister for a cuddle and helping them to the car.  He is a gentle and strong all at the same time.

He commands the respect of his team, coaches and opposition due to his character and ability. He is 

such a perfect combination of guts, compassion, leadership and courage.  He is an inspiration to me.....a true champion.

the girl with the little curl

I am truly grateful for spirited children with intelligence and spark.  I have seen how well this has served my eldest in shaping and developing character and confidence.  


I think the most feisty of all was saved for last.  The only girl in this tribe is going through that stage of temper tantrums, defiance, rude outbursts.  Of all three children she is the only one that seems to permanently have a finger wedged up her nostril.  
She calls names, spits, demands and directs.  

Meanie, stupid mummy and when that doesn't get the required effect a combination of all in mean, stupid, idiot mummy.  


And then as quickly as she has been possessed by the foul nose picking, finger licking demon, she returns that sweet adorable angel with blonde springy ringlets and sweet little smiles and kisses.


Reminds me of a poem from the past.  Clearly this is an age old problem of little princesses in the making.

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good
She was very, very good
But when she was bad
She was horrid!

winter dreaming

Today's dump of snow on Mt Wellington and subsequent frosty weather has left me with a hankering for a cosy cabin at Cradle Mountain.

Fireplace and trip to the spa at the lodge and brisk walks to capture the beauty of the stark winter landscape.  Good food and soul rejuvenating scenery.

Sounds divine....now for how to make this happen.

to win the prize :: the fair maiden's heart

It seems that the universal differences between men and women still continue to amuse me.  I for one embrace the differences. I am definitely not a feminist and have no desire to be a 'man' yet do appreciate that God made us 'equal' heirs in Christ.


I think God with his perfect intentions and plan made a great recipe for companionship, satisfaction and unity.  I guess it's us who mess it up and get confused by whatever reality we have experienced or are working through.


Here is a note for men, I don't really care if you have a big boat, or a fancy car or many worldly achievements to date.  What I do want to know is about your heart, your character, your steadfastness in the face of an unreasonable and unpredictable world.


I want to know if you have the courage to choose the right thing when confronted with an easier more comfortable option. 


I would be impressed if rather than taking the usual status quo of remaining silent at critical times (think Adam in the Garden) you speak up for truth and justice and integrity.  


I am fictitiously thinking Steve McGarrett in Hawaii Five O.  I know girls...... you have all gone to those gorgeous strong arms, chiselled face and cheeky, sexy, grin....anyhow....I digress and promise to stay on track from now on.


I want to know if you will defend and protect me when the assaults of life and this journey deflate my delicate feminine soul.


I want to know if you will challenge me in Godliness and personal growth rather than comply to my every whim.


Sure, the boat, car and good pay check have some merit but in the eternal scheme of things means very little.

i do concur

online shopping

Today my impulsively timed (but well considered) swimsuit purchase arrived today.  I mean, winter? in Hobart? Anyhow, it was well overdue and will be handy for our beach holiday in October.

It is so exciting to get a parcel in the mail, even as a grown up.

The courier man asked with an odd smile on his face if I was expecting a parcel.  I politely answered yes, who is it from?  I have had an overdose of online shopping of late so not sure whether it was the package with sewing notions or this.

As I signed for it, I am sure he was flirting with me....yuck....he was old enough to be my father and then some and seriously......when does a fluro yellow shirt 'ever' become a man unless you are the calvin klein model...... even then it's definitely borderline?

I clicked later that the manufacturer also dispatches a lingerie range and clearly he was excited by the prospect of what was in the package.  Now that's enough to make me bring up my lunch.

So, much to my eldest son's disgust, I gave the family a little fashion parade and let me tell you, that these guys know what they are doing when it comes to making good swimwear.

I feel a little bit like Marilyn.....the brunette version at least.  Bring on summer.

small beginnings

In the work of God, the day of small things is not to be despised. God often chooses weak instruments, to bring about mighty things: and though the beginnings be small, he can make the latter end greatly to increase.


From Wesley's Notes

this one is for the mothers

by Jenny Saville.

I find this quite a brave picture and very very liberatingly honest!

endangered character qualities

So wikipedia.....the source of all 'reliable' knowledge in the cyber world defines courage as this :-

Courage (also bravery, boldness, fearlessness, mettle, fortitude, or intrepidity) is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death, while "moral courage" is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.

I heard today that....

The human heart hungers for truth, beauty and goodness.

Couldn't agree more.

my new obsession

Before I discovered the world of you tube tutorials on just about everything, I tucked away this trusty reference book of Grandma's to teach me all I needed to know.

It's certainly a vintage book with yellowed pages and interesting garment ideas some of which I will share below.  I will take a guess that it is somewhere around 40-50 years old.

 The ever practical 'man's convalescent jacket', very handy indeed.

Notice the recuperating fellow reaches over to the beside table to reveal a rear view of the jacket.  No pesky bunched up bits for him while recovering in bed.  Mind you, the packet of cigarettes he is reaching for  probably won't really help in bringing him towards better health.

A hot foxy chic in her cardigan.  

My personal favourite ' the man's helmet'.  Tell me, what man about town can afford to 'not' have one of this classy numbers in his wardrobe?  Notice the mandatory cigarette once again....very politically incorrect these days.

As for me, I am onto scarf number two and showing no signs of slowing.  An innocuous obsession so a friend recently informed me.

inspiration comes in many guises

Invest in the human family.  Invest in people.

Build a little community of those you love and who love you.

-Mitch Albom - Tuesday's with Morrie.

A truly inspirational week of delightful conversations.  At the chance of being too vulnerable, too much or too interested in people....I will anyway.  

After all, nothing is more valuable to invest in than people.  

Grateful today that I have this passion for knowing people and being known deeply.  A risk worth taking with many unexpected rewards.

This journey is a wild ride and all the more better for sharing it with others.

holiday snaps

honesty :: too funny

When chatting with my sister this morning about the natural effects of ageing on one's body, the almost overnight  southward gravitation of bits and pieces, we reflected on how this affects the future romantic notions for a thirty something woman.

Her conclusion :: There is only a certain clientele that is 'down' with saggy and baggy.

You can always count on sisters for the uncensored version.

I am still giggling.

hand knitted bliss :: a premiere

So today my new hand knitted scarf get's it's first outing.  I am feeling pretty pleased with my first effort in so many years I can't remember.

Thanks to you a friend's inspiration, grandma's wool supply and some redneck american chick who posted a you tube tutorial on the puff stitch.

Loving my newly acquired skill and am gonna get my nanna knit on more often.

answers

The question:: What should I do?  

 When faced with unusual, uninvited and uninspiring circumstances.  

The simple answer ::  Serve him diligently wherever you are.

Inspired by a conversation around the dinner table.

After all, to become like christ is to lay down your life and serve.......whatever the assignment.

This piece of art a subtle reminder within a display as

part of an amazing garden in a little town just outside of my hometown.  

I love how he speaks in the ordinary and daily events of our simple lives.

coffs harbour :: here we come

deep roots

It's been such an amazing time over the last couple of weeks here in Queensland.  I really feel like we have been here longer than we have.  I have seen so many dear friends and family and been given so many blessings while I was here that I am feeling gradually restored and super blessed.

Such wonderful times spent with my two beautiful nephews, mum, sisters and brother in laws.  Love that we can all be so 'real' with each other and just hang out together, joking, teasing, jumping on the couch to get the best spot first and all that 'family' stuff.  We three girls seriously make good babies....they are all the cutest kids out.

Another fab thing is that there is one of my best friends here who has booked me in for two hour long massages for each week I am here.  She is seriously the 'best' at massage that I have ever had.  So fantastic and relaxing for a weary mama.  Her gift to me along with coffee dates and catch ups.  She is an inspiration to me as we have shared out faith from the time when we were both just babies in the things of the spirit....she is strong and gentle all at the same time.  We know each other so well.  She has seen the best and worst of me and we are both ok with that......special friends.

Second, I have a car to use the entire time I am here to go anywhere I want and a place to stay all free of charge.  Plenty of home cooked meals from my master chef grandmother.  Today a whole truckload of baking arrives from the country kitchen of my great aunt who took the entire family out for a beautiful lunch her treat.  The kids were so excited as we have never been 'out' for lunch to a proper restaurant.  Probably because of their age and my lack of motivation to wrestle toddlers in public.

It was so nice to see the kids interacting with her and I could just tell she had the best day!  She has never married and has no children so it's a real gift and treat for her to be included in the lives of our young children.  I felt God may have just blessed her today too.  She just loved the chance to do something nice for all of us.

Third, another of my dearest friends in town arrives for a visit unexpectedly last week with a rolled up wad of cash with the insistence I use it for 'fun'.  We also have a fun day out planned next week.  Ladies lunch on the range....nice.

This morning, a fantastic start to the day with some time to sleep in, kids holidaying at the farm for 'two' nights at their request.  Photos of my first church and time to ponder some memories.  Then onto a great coffee catch up with another newer but very wise and special friend.  He has wisdom beyond his years and I have much to learn.

As if that wasn't enough, yesterday I got to spend the afternoon with a couple and their youngest child who have known me for such a long time and we have a bond which is rock solid.  To see my 'blokey' male friend say with tears in his eyes how much his heart had broken for me these last months and sit humbly, grieved but in unity and mutual trust in God was so precious.  These are the moments when we see Jesus with skin on sitting at our kitchen table.  That and the jokes about man scarves which he struggles to understand.  I may just knit him one for fun.

Next week sees a visit to their property further west, to share some more special times, pray and eat together and maybe take a ride around to check out the land, crops and cattle.  Probably sneak in some driving lessons for Lachie too I reckon.

Such dear treasured friends forged in hard times many years ago and through weekly get togethers and stitch and bitch nights with his wife, one of my closest of friends.  They saw the way my life was transformed by the power of salvation, believed in me and rejoiced when God ordained my marriage and praised him for his faithfulness.  They are heartbroken by the sins against myself and children yet even in that confession, there is healing and the peace of God.

To be known so deeply without need for explanation or justification is a precious gift I will not ever take for granted.  Country bred people seem so much more generous in spirit and available in subtle ways I can't easily articulate.  We stick together, pitch in, help out and lend a hand whenever the opportunity arises.

I feel like a blessed woman to have roots so deeply here in my original hometown yet grateful for the wings God gave me to fly and make a new future and bring beauty from ashes.  A reminder that all things are truly possible with him and I can rest in that and take my hands off the wheel.

Tomorrow night dinner date with some other mates and introduction to their new baby girl.  Happy days indeed and a sleep in for me again tomorrow.  I know I love Hobart but life is pretty sweet these days.

from the past

This is my first church that I knew as a child.

I couldn't count the times I have sat in these pews for mass, weddings, christenings and funerals.  It holds many memories and still stands a massive building for such a small town.  

The birth of my faith began here with little seeds being sown which God would pick up and begin to shape in years to come.

The many happy events of wedding day's and celebrations and rites of passage. 

The many forced confessions at allocated reconciliation times and repetitive hail mary's to absolve me of my sins.

Some sad and tearful days to farewell family and friends and those gone too soon.

So many memories and familiar feelings I can't help but experience when walking the grounds.

chemistry

Today I was chatting with a friend of mine who is new to the christian lifestyle regarding relationships after only knowing the secular status quo.  It got me to thinking what do I really think and I also remembered a post from a fellow blogger and friend which you can check out here at the old wise man

He has some great thoughts on the topic which are a refreshing change to the crap cosmo dishes out for today's generation.

I lived with very liberal and lust driven selfish attitudes  in regards to dating, sex and men before finally making a decision to pursue a christian lifestyle.  I must stress that this is something I struggle with particularly now having been separated for over two and a half years!   To be honest, I would hate to think whether my convictions would be so strong right now so prefer not to put myself in temptations way.

I am after all only 34 and you know what they say about women in their thirties!

Anyhow, after much consideration,  I firmly believe that sex belongs within the liberating and freeing embrace of marriage.  I hope I can last the distance!  Not easy once you know what your missing.....but well worth it.  That is how I entered into my 'christian marriage' and prior to the shocking confessions etc it certainly was a much more satisfying, liberating and peaceful physical connection.  A natural extension of mutual love, commitment and covenant.

What an amazing gift God gave men and women! I now see it more about what can I share and give rather than what I can get which is the exclusive language of lust.

Anyhow, that was probably an 'over share' a hazard of that darn up front nature of mine.

My friend posed the question of whether I thought that it was ok meeting up for coffee/ exploring with multiple people of the opposite sex with the view of potential relationships.   I would have to agree that it's fine to have other friends in the early stages.  I do however feel that once a mutual decision is made to pursue a deeper connection and have a go at a relationship, other people should be of a less intimate emotional nature.

How a casual coffee ties in with dating and marriage from my point of view is that as a Christian, that would be the natural goal of a relationship rather than a partnership not offered in covenant before God.

I mean, surely one would not wish to have multiple relationships off and on with no appropriate and liberating way of expressing deep love and affection???  I know that would frustrate me no end!  Not that I think that anything should be rushed before it's time....after all.....timing is everything.

By this, I mean that our emotional connections are the first point for intimacy.....it's not too far a stretch to go from coffee and a listening ear to something else without an advance decision as to what you think regarding emotional and physical purity.

Purposely reserving that for the special person you decide to commit in lifelong partnership with and resisting the instant gratification that lust or deeply emotionally involved connections temporarily provide.

I know that for me, my relationships with men changed when I got married as I didn't want to risk forming an intimate emotional attachment with anyone else.  I felt that it was critical to follow the guidelines of two becoming one.  Men and women are a complimentary partnership and meant to be sealed rock solid with God as the glue so to speak.  Of course, we do live in a crazy mixed up world so that doesn't always end up as the result despite best efforts or intentions.

I can recommend an excellent author called Edwin Cole who wrote a great book called "The Glory of Sex"  among some other great titles.  He was a Christian author and poses some challenging questions to today's generation as I believe he wrote almost prophetically before his time!  Then again, maybe not, after all, the issues of desire/ lust etc have been around forever....think Eve in the garden.

Marriage/relationships are hard enough without any additional pressure!  I think we run the risk of 'grass is greener' syndrome if we hook up with many people as the tendency is to only take the good and walk away from the not so pleasant character traits.

Also, I believe marriage and family are the cornerstone of the intention God had when he made men and women.  We need so very much to support the healthy boundaries that promote the freedom of marriage rather than confuse it as a boring life sentence with rigid rules disallowing other opposite sex relationships.

So whilst an early courtship is by no means the same as marriage, doesn't it deserve the very best attention the same as anything we nurture in life.  If we want good results then the principles of delayed gratification serve us well in health, study and many other areas why not one of the most potentially important relationships in our lives.

This mixed up world often opposes monogamy and also marriage, singular commitment and considers this a 'prudish' attitude.  We as christians would be naive and foolish to buy into that kind of thinking.

Further more, lust is unreliable.  Chemistry is so important and the romance definitely an important part of a partner.  However, I truly believe that we can 'lust' after anyone and appreciate physical attraction far too easily if not determined to reserve and not awaken desire outside it's rightful secure place.

It starts in the mind and I guess that is why Jesus warned about not even 'thinking' or indulging/allowing a thought process to spiral!!!  For our own benefit.....and he knew how much we would be motivated by the flesh...

Whilst I do think this can be an issue for women (me included) my reading and experience suggests that 97% of men, christians included struggle with this issue and need to come to a point of allowing God to do the work in guarding this precious gift our sexuality.  Again, I believe we are foolish and naive to ignore this other 'elephant' in the room in our conversations and community.

Lastly, relationships are fundamentally a choice.  They are a choice in the beginning, a choice in the hard times and a choice when the disappointment of life push us to believe that if we were with the 'right' person things would be better.

Get the chemistry right, common values and honesty then hopefully a partnership supported by the foundation of God and commitment to walking that out rain, hail or shine are the reliable things when asking whether something could work or not.

Any one game to share thoughts on this post????

half way mark

Today is exactly half way through our month in the sun.....apart from all the rain that seems to be hanging around.  Not dampening the spirits however.

It really feels like it has been 5 minutes in some regards as the time has gone so fast, yet when I consider all the catch ups, events and the like we have done.....we are doing well!

We have been absolutely blessed in so many ways that I am once again humbled.  God always provides what we need and then some.  Lots of little and big, organised and random things have made this trip easy and full of fun and restoration.

Some extravagant and generous gifts leave me feeling full and reassured that I am intimately known and loved.  People stopping by who have shared deeply the journey of these last months and offered what they could in love and care......a beautiful thing to be a part of......the community of people knitted together in common love and unity.

It feels like time to really press in and seek God for some wisdom, revelation and renewal in the next part of our trip.  To begin, a fast from a few 'pleasures' that may sharpen my ability to 'hear' what he might say to me.

I am looking forward to some more dates with dear friends this week, sleep ins while the smalls stay over for more 'holidays' at the farm, outings for ladies luncheons and sipping coffee outside in the sun (when the clouds clear) while reading and dreaming of things to make and plan for when we return home.

a quiet life

I know I keep banging on about my new favourite read.........but seriously this particular article is worth checking out Kinfolk for.

The words are by Julie Pointer and my favourite line is highlighted in the pic.

My solitary times fortify me to listen more clearly and to love better when I am in the presence of others.

I get that.....well said.

Romans :: always a gem in this book

Romans 8:28

The Message (MSG)

 ^26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter.

He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.

That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Farm Life :: a visit from the vet.

One of the cows is not doing too good.  She is with calf and hasn't been able to get up for a couple of days but not yet ready to deliver.  

Felix absolutely engrossed in what is happening, running over to give us all updates on what Felicity the Vet is doing.

Annabelle however is staying very close by as she is a bit scared of the cattle.  Grandy and the vet in the background giving some 'medicine' to the cow.

there's no place like home

Today was one of those days which is just a good day.  A few pangs of nostalgia and stirred memories of confusing bittersweet feelings emerged.

So fun to be able to pop down to the main street in town and visit family and friends who run various retail businesses in town.  To add to the experience is bumping into familiar old faces from the past and share stories and news of recent times.

Great big hugs and kind eyes and encouraging words and that wonderful community strength and spirit that is freely shared and exchanged.

I know this might be my original hometown but the saying home is where the heart is rings true for me.  There are little pieces of my heart left in hearts here and memories in this town are part of who I am today. Some years ago,  Hobart captured my heart's attentions with it's beauty and vibrant collection of people and places..... and that is where it resides right now but does not own it.

I guess my geographical home is going to be different through various seasons and stages but feel that home is more connected to the relationships which have weaved into the fabric of my journey.  Wherever they may be.

Little gems and treasures scattered all over the country and world now but all a part of the 'home' that so warms my heart.

lets get out of town :: into the valley's

Little villages are like a trip back in time.

Hills at Hamilton

St Mary's Church Gretna......surrounded by huge cemetery.

Annabelle :: What if we just give him a little pat!!!!  (With enormous cheesy grin)

She is always ready for an adventure and some fun.

soul being revived :: gently & slowly

This is my metaphorical defibrillator for the heart and soul.  A must watch for the nostalgic and romantic mind.

Check out this short film from the talented artists at 'Kinfolk' you won't regret it.

I did get a copy and it is everything I had hoped for.  It is now tucked away for quiet opportunities to read in the sunroom overlooking the paddocks and inspire dreams and plans again

not what I signed up for :: this single parenting gig

Today I am going to make an exception to the general 'positive' theme of this blog.  Today I am just going to wear my heart on my sleeve and have a vent.  Today is the first day of the week with our Sarah gone home.  In reality it was still a really hard gig when I had her here.  Of course it wasn't going to be any easier at this point.

Getting out the door to do anything is a major mission with the smalls.

I hate that in summer Felix insists on wearing jeans and long sleeved multiple layers of shirts and then come winter.....he wants only shorts, thongs and no jumper.  We argue every single time we have to leave the house as I tear off the foul grey shirt and threadbare black jeans he wears 24/7.  It's literally a physical struggle every damn day!  Then there is Annabelle who is constantly squeezing more toothpaste onto everybody's brush which means we go through about two tubes a week.  No joke.

We struggle with her to brush her hair, make sure all 25 (again no joke) of her 'children' have a band aid on, a blanket wrapped around them etc each morning. They all need to follow her wherever she goes or it's like the sound of someone being murdered erupts from her mouth!!!!

What really gets me is the fact that all these things are probably quite cute to anybody else but for me, it's just one more hard thing in the endless days and months of hard.  It's fucking hard actually.


Hard that I didn't get a choice in this.  Hard that I have to figure out how to feed and cloth the kids each week while the male gene pool that happily contributed to bringing the children into the world, walk away from all responsibility and then complain about the unfairness for them.  Like your actions don't have consequences or something?

It's hard that they don't see how fucking selfish and self focused they truly are.  Hard to know they are complaining and focused on 'how this affects me'.   It's hard that I can't easily choose to go and work full time in a satisfying career as my children only have one parent.  I literally cannot be in five places at once.  Childcare is expensive, children get exhausted from being dragged from daycare to home when it's dark and they are hungry and tired.

Hard that they have the option to work hard in a full time job yet for whatever reason choose not to and not provide at least financially for their children.  This would be only the bare minimum after everything else they had taken from them.  As if they hadn't made it hard enough for them already, they sit in comfortable ignorant bliss having learned no lessons.

The sheer motivation required seems more that I have right now and I am so frustrated at the limitations of  the situation I find myself in.  I hate that I have criticism from 'some christians' as to the selfishness of choosing to work, yet on the other hand, the insensitive comments like 'welfare' makes it too easy for you single parents.  Really?  Ignorance is bliss never rang truer.  Really.....what should I do exactly.  I am truly open to suggestions.

I could work 40 hours a week washing, cooking, cleaning, running to sport, trying to create a beautiful home, trying to create opportunities for my kids to be connected to the community through regular church and sports involvement.  I just feel like I am stretched to the limit and could easily break right now.

That's before I even attempt to work in paid employment which is my preference after all.

This was the plan when deciding to have more children.  I would work as I had always wanted to combine career with child/home duties and the other parent would work to compliment this and we could both have the balance and work in together to eliminate childcare costs etc.  I had more children close together as a gift to my husband.  I had done the single parenting gig before and knew it would be fine with two parents on board.

Now I don't have that option, I don't get every second weekend to myself like other separations.  I am it!

I will always be it.  I can't have a future relationship as who could I trust to enter my children's lives?  I would be too damn tired anyhow and have nothing of value to offer and then would enter that selfish place of what it would give me.  The absolutely worst thing a person can be.

Maybe I need to change before I break in the way I think about it all.

I am a positive person (i promise)........this is just the reality....it's a shitty deal and I need to find a way to make it work for us.

I'm angry today as one persons choice steals another's youth and joy.  I am going grey, my face is wrinkled and I have a soul more the age of a seventy year old war veteran.  I am not vain, this is just the reality of the toll it takes on one when trauma hits unexpectedly and undeservedly.  I'm restless, frustrated and tired.

I am now officially divorced which is the only happy and positive part of this post.  I feel so liberated and relieved and glad to be free of the past in that way.  No further obligation and I believe, God's freedom to move on.

If ever there was a good time to go away and get some perspective it was now.  Only seven more sleeps and counting.

Buon Viaggio!

And so the next part of the story begins.  One that is better for having walked alongside this beautiful girl for a chapter or two.  

Godspeed on your journey dear sister and friend.  We will miss you and you have taken a piece of our hearts with you back to Italy.

giving counter culturally

I have been meditating on a couple of passages this morning and it's gotten me thinking and analysing and  has also deeply encouraged me that maybe I am still moving and growing and my heart has not grown cold after all.

The first is in acts chapter two, just after they had received the holy spirit at pentecost.

 All the believers were together and had everything in common.  They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.  Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts,  praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

I remember a few years ago that I had the opportunity to stay for a week or so at a beautiful holiday home at no charge.....it was a gift.  It was right on the beach and each day the changing tide would change the landscape as we were also right on the edge of an inlet where a stream would wander inland.

As I walked into this place, I immediately experienced the tangible peace and presence of God and felt as though many layers of daily stresses were lifted.  In a little old frame were written the words from these verses from Acts.

This house was entirely reserved as a retreat and place of rest for those who had need of  a holiday and in need of deep rest.  Word of mouth is how people discover it and gentle intervention from the holy spirit of course.  The owners had decided they had enough and wanted to freely give.  What a wonderful reflection of this passage in action.

I too am a big fan of giving.  If there is need and I can meet it, I am keen to do it because it feels so damn good.  Now, I hope this is not because it strokes my self righteous ego and is just because it's a blessing and privilege that the opportunity is there.

Having recently been on the receiving end of many, many gifts and blessings, I can understand more deeply the need to receive just as willingly.  Imagine robbing all those "giving" opportunities which really bless the giver rather than the recipient?

I remember hearing a preacher speak about how each year on Maundy Thursday that they hold a feet washing service in remembrance of Jesus washing his friends feet.

He said there is never a shortage of people willing to be the washers.  The trouble was getting people in a vulnerable position of being able to receive this act of love and service.  Damn pride and self preservation.

I think that our society and this world has such a selfish element but in other ways shut up, closed off and locked away our selves from being in a weaker position.  After all there is a big risk when you put yourself there.

Again, I turn to the scriptures and am reminded in 1 Corinthians that Love never gives up, never loses faith, and is always hopeful.

For me personally, this is a reminder to not buy into the world's ways of taking care of our community of believers and wider world but to turn to heaven's standard.  Give freely with a hopeful loving heart.

Give even if it's a risk.  The way I figure, God will make up the difference if it doesn't make sense in our sensible and practical logical minds.

After all Jesus was a radical and unconventional giver.  What an inspiration and reflection of God's heart he is.  So I continue on allowing myself gradually to become open to the blessings God has in store for me.

soft place to fall

I am feeling grateful today for the special ones I hold dear who are my "soft place to fall".  


The ones with whom I can show up and be much less than perfect and authentically very, very, human.


Such liberty in vulnerability.  You humble me friends.


On that theme, reminds me of this particular song.  Allison Moorer you rock.  Check out her soothing words.  

This favourite song.

Disclaimer :- I have no actual intentions of finding the soft place to fall that she is referring to.

northern exposure :: things to do

Hunt :- 


for unique and interesting bargains in the opportunity shops, to see what vintage treasures await.


Get Intimate:- 


with my SLR camera and stop treating her like a cheap plaything and get to know her beyond the surface.    Fully appreciate her many layers and capabilities.

Be absurd:- 


laugh.....a lot..... with my silly, wonderful and fabulous sisters.

Capture:-


all of my grandma's special recipes on paper to tuck away for generations to appreciate and love.

Create:-


a hand knitted winter scarf in a bold red or mustard shade to keep me warm and cheerful on return to Ice age conditions at the end of our stay.

Bake:- 


without any rush or occasion.  Make all the things I have pushed aside for when I have more time.  re-discover the beautiful event of sharing and planning meals with my sisters.

Share:- 


special times with dear treasured friends who I can pick up our conversations from days gone by with such ease.  Fully known and loved anyhow...such a gift.

Teach :-


my children the ways of the land with adventures to the farm and places to explore.  Memories to last a lifetime are made in these happy days.

Rock out:-


with a newer, younger generation at a music festival and remember what it's like to feel young, overly confident, 10 feet tall and invincible.

Be still

For those that know me well, I am a go getter, a motivated, can do type of person.  Just tell me I can't achieve or do something and that is a sure way for me to do it!

The events of the last couple of years have no doubt knocked the wind out of my sails and caused me to re-evaluate and cast a new vision for the future..... to take a bigger view..... get some perspective through the lens looking towards eternal and real things.  My motivations have changed, my drive is different......but is this a bad thing....I think not.

After dropping the kids off this morning at childcare, I couldn't help but feel the anxiety take hold by osmosis from the frazzled and frantic parents hustling their kids into school, dragging along in some cases.  Women slapping lipstick on in the car, running in heels late for work.

Something is seriously not in the right order in our society and world.  A chasing of the wind perhaps?

I am getting the message loud and clear right now that I am to be still, know that God is God and to rest in that knowledge and the release of care that naturally will follow.

A question I pose is how do we easily do this in a frantic society?

How does one do this when with  hyper vigilant guard and insomnia due to a horrific trauma?  I mean after all, the damage was done on "my watch".

The damage happened in my home, my safe retreat and oasis in the care of the most trusted of people.  How does one relax in the very environment of danger?

I guess there is only one answer.....I can't!

I totally absolutely without any question can only rely on God to come through on this one.  I can play my part of course but ultimately the "rest" doesn't come from me or my efforts.

So with that in mind I am looking forward to a sojourn somewhere warmer for a few weeks.  I plan to take a break from the distractions of TV, social media, constant appointments and determine to just........be still.

I wonder what God might show me and how much deeper I can sink into the everlasting peaceful arms.

A message from a friend with her little hint of humour summed it up a couple of days ago when discussing pushing through and future projects and ambitions.  I had a very clear answer in regard to one pursuit so my confidant shared her thoughts.

"He's probably saying.  Thanks for being so willing but I am still happy for you to take a break! Rest in me"

I think I'll take that as a word from heaven and breath deeply and rest willingly.....or try at least!

that about sums it up

rest·less

Adjective:

(of a person or animal) Unable to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom. Offering no physical or emotional rest; involving constant activity or motion: "a restless night".

I feel a bit like the picture of this storm brewing

road trip :: coastal retreat

First stop was the Sorell sunday market.....a quirky collection of interesting & amusing items 

and somewhat scary stallholders with tired faces and mandatory cigarettes in the top pocket.  Not too sure about the signs.  Dad and son were trying to make a buck and the younger artists signs were going half price.

Even at that we could not be tempted.

I am serious....this sign was in the front yard of a house in another little village on the way to our desination.  

Maddy thought they were cute.  I thought they smelled and reminded her they would grow up and smell even worse.

Fresh yummy produce so we picked up some tomatoes to cook up for lunch today.

Maddy's orchard and veggie patch collecting supplies for lunch.

The most amazing pink lady apples inspired our lunch plans.

Apparently one of the sunniest most pleasant and warm days ever experienced here this time of year....so lucky.

Perfect writer's retreat overlooking the garden.

Maddy's fresh tomato, balsamic and homemade olive oil bruschetta. 

My fresh apples, baked with muesli, brown sugar and coconut enjoyed with thick luscious cream. 

Beautiful rugged beaches on the way home

Beautiful rocks to climb over and explore.

 Looking out towards Coles Bay.