The constant wrestle :: logic verses revelation

?????????????????????????????????????????


I have had a week of challenges.  The keen awareness of the complexity of the human life existing in a complex and broken world has weighed heavy on my heart.

Suffering seems common place for many around me at present.  I think that these periods of life that require hard work and grace in your guts, give a fresh perspective on the struggles of the people around us.

This is a good thing as it unites and comforts others and gives them permission to be honest and lighten their load in the sharing of it.

This has been taught to me by some dear friends (who know who they are) who have provided a safe and encouraging place to share the ugliness of situations I would rather not deal with at all.  To talk, be heard, and then be understood and loved is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

?????????????????????????????????????????

It is amazing to me that the Lord can use us even in our most broken state, in fact, I wonder if that is the exact place he works best.  In our weakness, it can be nothing other than his strength.

However there is another option, to fall so deeply into self- pity or obsession that you lose all ability to listen, walk in another's shoes or have any compassion at all.  God must struggle to work in that place.

Another less desirable effect can be to compare and compete our respective suffering.  A fight to be heard and understood can manifest in confusion and anger and resentment.....and just being plain stuck.

I choose change, I choose to rise up and go on and live less broken one day at a time.  I choose to be more of a blessing than a burden, more honest than hidden.  I choose to listen more and talk less. (This one will be hard for those who know me!)

I choose to listen to the revelations that God whispers to my spirit rather than figure it all out in my human (limited) ability.

Thankyou faithful friends who help me keep doing this....and turn my eyes back to the Grace of our God.  I am blessed.

Baking :: Chocolate Almond Cake

This past weekend was full of fun things to do, markets with a friend, football match with Lachlan and an interesting discussion on atheism sunday evening.  Well, I hear it was interesting as I was changing nappies and amusing the babies during the whole thing.  One to download later from here

After such a hectic weekend, I needed some thinking, breathing, praying space so decided to bake this morning.  I really love cooking, especially cakes.  Odd that what seems a chore to some is a welcome escape for me.  

I have loved cooking since I was a little girl.  I was always pestering Mum to let me make some new creation or plan a dinner party.  My aunts, uncles and grandparents were the guests of honour.  I went through fazes of homemade chocolates, made for all special occasions, again, the relatives obliged my ego with compliments and approval.

Making crafty things was another all consuming passion as a child.  It is funny that those things never leave just get stored away somewhere in the soul.  They damp down to a small flame waiting for the right moment to be stoked into a fire again.  I think to make, delight and admire what we make is the very nature of who we are, as creations of the one who is the perfect creator....our heavenly father.  If we are created in his image and likeness surely this must be true.

This is possibly the yummiest cake made without flour I have ever had.  I have been waiting six months while on the silly diet to make it.  The bookmark has been taunting me with the reminder  of the tempting recipe it reveals.  It is a cross between a mudcake and a brownie............and well............simply amazing.

The end result of this morning brings me to another conclusion, I am not meant to diet.  It takes up too much of my thoughts when what I really love to do is cook.  It is a passion, a gift, a way of life. It's who I am.  The hospitality queen.  Therefore, until further notice, the weight watching is over and the living begins.

Could she be?

The most beautiful girl in the world, surely she must come close.

I sometimes feel so overwhelmed with love for her I might burst.  She is such a little darling and a delight to have in the house.  She is learning new things everyday and very interested in her big brothers.

Easter Sunday :: He is risen

So that is why we celebrate, starting the night before with pavlova.

A special way to start the day with an easter egg hunt........a first for Felix.

He was so excited with all the choices.

The celebration continues at church this morning, although the donkey looks unaffected by all the fuss.

A jumping castle and bbq after the service......wow.

A bittersweet reminder of the reason we celebrate....The work Jesus finished on the cross.  All his life had been building up to this moment in time in which the power of death and evil over us is destroyed.  Through Jesus dying as a sacrifice to exchange punishment for our sins, we have eternal life.....salvation from the horror of the end we previously faced.

  This moment of sacrifice and finality of the power of death and sin is a gift I have embraced.  I have moved through my life in a growing understanding of what this actually means.  

At first, an academic understanding of the bible stories from my religious education lessons.

An indifference and disassociation from God in pursuit of myself and indentity and pleasure.

 A religious legalistic relationship with church and God seen through a warped perspective, where I tried so hard to be good.

Most significantly, a defining moment of choosing to release all control of my life into the hands of a God I had yet to discover.  I must admit, my options for my future had narrowed down to that being the best one at the time.  I was out of hope and meaning and sort of desperate more than anything.

However, I now know some of the real nature of God.  The religious chains have gone and are going!

 There is a glimpse of who he is from the spirit of truth that he gives.  

This new walk with him is not from a desperate brokenness but rather a desperate pursuit of the peace that comes from being with him and the absolute certainty that he is real and true and he is the way to life.  

I have chosen to believe the word of God, not because of research and evidence of it's validity.  I have chosen because of a deep deposit of faith that the Lord has given me.  

And now my life is a day by day process of growth and deepening of personal faith in the knowledge that God is in the driving seat of my life.  I hope to see more of Jesus in my character as I keep walking through this life and into the next.

Happy Easter, enjoy the chocolate, but reflect on what we are celebrating.

a new day :: a new do

This post is primarily to show my new look to my sisters.  They both have fabulous new hairstyles everytime I see them.  I on the other hand have stuck with the same predictable cut for years.  I think it has something to do with my hairdresser.  He is a great guy and all, fellow ex pat Queenslander, cuts well, remembers all the mindless trivia I tell him and makes me feel important by remembering it all.  The downside is that he likes to play it safe.

He is one of those hairdressers that has lost their youthful enthusiasm for funky and edgy and now has a generally ageing clientele who are defined by their poodles, perms and poolboys.

This time, I got a little assertive and convinced him that I could manage with something different, I now owned sufficient expensive styling equipment to manage a change............ and darn it.........I wasn't leaving without feeling like a new woman this time.

And the result speaks for itself.  I did feel liberated and a little brave and excited by my new cut.  Plenty of compliments at daycare, and by the fellow soccer mums.  Whilst it doesn't seem like much, it is for a woman who's day revolves around routine, order and sameness.  Next week,  who knows, maybe a different walking route.   It's time to explore, create and live again.  Stay tuned..