the meaning of christmas

Notice the crown, nice touch don't you think?

I went out to the shops tonight and was disappointed and it wasn't  because Santa and the elves had gone home for the night.

I feel grieved that during the daytime, the lineup to see Santa stretches a long, long way. Much longer than the line up to the local church to celebrate the birth of Christ.

I feel annoyed that a large number of the population feel put out that the "religious" folk insist on church stuff at this "family" and "vacation" time of year.

I do however feel enormous hope when I reflect on the incredibly controversial way the King of the Universe showed up on planet earth.  Helpless, dependent, physically inferior.  A disappointment no doubt for the watchers waiting for a powerful King to show up and save them. 

 It means that maybe he can somehow work with me, helpless, dependent on myself too much and physically limited by my weary body.  It's comfort takes more preference than the good of my soul more often than not.

I just love that about God.  He does unexpected things, is radical and politically incorrect.  He is counter cultural and tends to get people offside.  He is master and who are we to suppose that he take second place to a fat guy in a suit?

Most of all he understands our human failings and gives us this amazing gift of Hope.

That is what I will be thinking on these next few days.  The beautiful hope of Christ.

a not so secret santa

A very exciting parcel arrived at my place last week.  It is probably one of the most anticipated postal packages I have had all year.

Even though it arrived in the middle of the afternoon, I had to put it aside until the smalls were in bed.  I needed to fully absorb the experience of opening this special box.

 You see I am a part of a sisterhood that spans the globe.  We have a special bond of friends that spans all continents (I think) and trust me, you don't want to know how you get to sign up.  This year, we decided to have some fun and play secret santa.

 A squeal of excitement as I realise that it contains many little packages with super cute little gift tags. Something to listen to, something for when you don't feel like cooking, something for fun and many others!  How gorgeous is that paper?

This package was like a box full of comfort and love.  It is one of those amazing moments to know you have been specially thought of and the gift of the time and effort involved to sent a thoughtful collection of treats to enjoy.  Every thing so incredibly "just the right" thing to bless me.  You humble me dear friend. 

A crowded room

Do you know I feel more alone in a crowded room than I do on my own.  It's such a strange experience of feeling lost in a crowd.  It's so weird to watch people talk about the weather, make dumb jokes about ourselves and at each other and all the time be thinking "this is so meaningless".  To want to stand up on a chair and go "hey people, get a real problem to deal with!".

Naturally my perspective is skewed right now.  I have bigger fish to fry than which day to "do coffee" or make a "play date" or what colour to paint the nursery. I am trying so hard not to be bitchy and irritable but today it's just hard.  I am flawed and I have ugly emotions and thoughts.  I am real.

Do I choose to stay home because it's easier, pretend because it's easier, talk about the frivolous because it's easier?  No I refuse to be isolated yet I struggle to see how being lonely in a crowd helps?

I get surprised when I see people being so pedantically focused on little suzie or  jonnie's first solids and every little detail of what they do.  Really, it's a pretty normal thing to do as a parent,  I just barely have time to notice or the energy to engage.  How I long for the simplicity of that former life.

It makes me glad for the friends not scared off by the storms and the relentless burden and long haul of surviving a trauma.  It makes me see God with skin on when they love and serve endlessly.  

Someone said tonight something complementary about a particular couple.  What an amazing couple, they are pretty committed.  Why do we esteem so highly a particular type of people.  Who did Jesus esteem?  Were they the most interesting people around?  Most educated and intellectual? Wearing the right clothes? Did they have  2.5 kids, late model wagon and a sensible sized savings account? Are they full of the right words, at every church meeting and amazingly gifted?  What is your ideal model of success, approval and esteem?

Sadly I know I have my own collection of garbage in my mind.  Let's face it, I am the biggest critic of all.  Categorising and making judgments all day and every day.  It's just my sinful nature.  Thank God my identity is in him and him alone.  What the world sees as wisdom, he sees as foolishness.  I must learn to bring my thoughts back into sync with that truth sooner rather than later.

It is then that I realise that the difficulties in life are the biggest gift of all.  Taking me closer and closer to him, to the truth and the security of the knowledge of who he says I am .  A daughter of the king, who he is working on day by day and year by year.  Hopefully making something beautiful out of an impossible situation, as only he can.  Beauty from ashes.

forgiveness

The oxford dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offence or debt'.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

I guess God knew we would find it hard to do.

Such demanding creatures are we humans.  We are so hell bent on "me" that we forget the greater purpose.

Here is a story that has had a profound impact on me this year.


And again as He entered Capernaum after some days, and it was heard that He was in the house.  Immediately many gathered together, so that there was no longer room to receive them, not even near the door. And He preached the word to them.  Then they came to Him, bringing a bparalytic who was carried by four men.  And when they could not come near Him because of the crowd, they uncovered the roof where He was. So when they had broken through, they let down the bed on which the paralytic was lying.
 When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, “Son, your sins are forgiven you.”
 And some of the scribes were sitting there and reasoning in their hearts,  “Why does this Man speak blasphemies like this?  Who can forgive sins but God alone?”
 But immediately, when Jesus perceived in His spirit that they reasoned thus within themselves, He said to them, “Why do you reason about these things in your hearts?  Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Arise, take up your bed and walk’?  But that you may know that the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins”—He said to the paralytic,  “I say to you, arise, take up your bed, and go to your house.”  Immediately he arose, took up the bed, and went out in the presence of them all, so that all were amazed and eglorified God, saying, “We never saw anything like this!”

A couple of things strike me,

Firstly, I want friends like this man!

Secondly, there was huge power when Jesus spoke forgiveness.

Thirdly, what might happen if I chose forgiveness more often than a grudge?

sunny days :: happy days

 How gorgeous is she even with an endless runny nose.

Friends.....at this moment anyhow.

They are encouraging each other to throw things in the fountain at our local courtyard cafe.

the sweetest gift

This is where I keep the most special gift I have ever received.   On my pillow.  This arrived some weeks back from a friend across the world on another continent.  Let me share with you this amazing gift of 

love.

The card read :: Iv'e made this prayer shawl especially for you.  I prayed for you as I was knitting, then a group of ladies laid their hands on it and we prayed the prayer that is enclosed with the shawl.  You have become such a dear friend to me and I hope with this shawl you can feel truly wrapped in prayer.

I am amazed and humbled by this profoundly moving gift.  From a woman who is going through her own share of hardness right now.  This is truly one of the moments of knowing in a deep way that you belong to a spiritual family knitted together by the spirit of God.

As you wrap yourself in this shawl of comfort...Father, Son & Holy Spirit wrap you in their all -encompassing love this day.


May you find comfort from all that appears too much to bear at this moment
from all that feels as if it might be the breaking point
from all that seems to threaten your peace of heart.


May this shawl be : a shelter for times of overwhelming grief
a shade in times of sorrow too deep for words
a shield from unimaginable loss.


May you be comforted by the presence of those who love and support you
by faith in the eternal Loving one.
by the memories of what you hold most dear.


May you be strengthened
in your daily comings and goings
in your tentative new beginnings
in your unfolding new memories


Blessings of the Angel of Comfort be with you
And all you love, now and forevermore. Amen.

happy birthday

 The most amazing bunch of enormous flowers :: just gorgeous!

 An hour of time alone, walking our beautiful city in the sun on a glorious spring day.

 Moments of curiosity about the heritage of some lovely old building I saw.

A meeting with friends for a surprise birthday treat :: afternoon tea :: the fancy way at a hotel in town.

sunday cake

 Pink Velvet Cake.  Inspired by my friend Angie.  She bakes too.

My real reason was to totally show off my new glass cake display stand keeper thingy.  I have wanted one for so many years and finally, I am that one step closer to a kitchen bench that would make Martha Stewart proud.  

The first days of spring

 Felix and his friend George playing on the swings at the Margate train.

The smalls drawing at their new art desk. A bargain for three dollars at the tip shop...what an amazing find!  Naturally Felix is in charge and has directed me to position Miss Belle right beside him for instructions.  She is just rather happy chewing on the pencils.  She is not a very good student.

Always a request for more "chocolate chip muffins"  the term used to describe all cakes and biscuits and other delicious things to eat.

 Focused on building a "fantastic" tower for mum.

 Little Annabelle who is always happy playing on the back deck in the sun.

Everybody is "a bit sad" (another of Felix's fave quotes) that all the toys have gone now that someone has taught Annabelle to throw them downstairs.

 A garage sale bargain.  A train set that really works and is lots of fun to watch.

A visit from Willow the Wombat who lives at Felix's school.  Willow managed to survive all the attention bestowed by the kids and is now safely back at school after spending the week at our place.

 
He had a lovely time with his new friend Teddy.

 Not even a hint of crawling now for this big girl.  She is so fast on her feet now.

Her pretty little curls are growing by the day into tight little ringlets.  She is such a precious little sweet thing.  She babbles all day long and can say mummeee, baby and car.  She is particularly proud of car.

Hiatus

It's been a while since I have had the will to write. I had let the uninformed and misguided critique of a lonely old woman get the better of me.  This blog is not just about shallow everyday events........ as if I have the luxury of that being all that occupies my thoughts.

This is my way of choosing to see the special in the ordinary.  It is choosing to enjoy and record and share the brief time I have as guardian to my children and to value all the mundane and sometimes repetitive tasks that comprise my day.

This is me choosing to live and see beauty despite ugly circumstances.  This is me sharing and wanting to know and be known, as an extension of my honesty and transparency.  This is me choosing to look the giants of defeat squarely in the eyes and not flinch.

I have cared too much in years gone past what people thought about me and who I am.  These days I am brave enough to blog and invite people to see a part of me and know that I have a lot to offer.  Mostly I think people like it because I am real and I am flawed, I live in a flawed world, with flawed people yet I still have desire to live and live big.  

People can relate to the ordinary.  It brings connection and solidarity.  It makes my sisters' day to see their precious little ones so far away in the simplicity of their daily activities.

So I will keep writing, keep living and keep dreaming despite the small beginnings of the new normal of my life.  There is hardly enough energy or hours in the day to write, let alone think of something to say that is positive.  That was after all the intention many months ago when I started.  My children need three of me instead of the worn out one that I am. 

There is so many things to enjoy right now and to look forward to so I will share in coming weeks because it has been far too long away from the keyboard.

Mamma Mia :: a secret weapon

Who would have known that Mamma Mia would become my favourite movie.  It was accidental really, dropped by a friend amongst a pile of others designed to give my mind a break from  a difficult situation.

I admit I wasn't really that keen and had overlooked it many times at Blockbuster.  Let's face it, on the rare occasion that I felt prepared to compromise my sleep for a movie, it had to be worth it. 

I think now Miss Belle is finally a year old, I can safely know that she will sleep all night, and I can stay up past 8:30pm at night and be sure of a decent sleep.  It must be time to catch up on all the box office hits of the last three years in the comfort of my tracksuit and couch.

Anyhow, guess who is mesmerised by Mamma Mia...........Felix.  My neighbour recently told me that I needed to get him into TV!  Ha, I said......if only he was interested, I am all for electronic minding devices but the range of children's television has captured his audience for approximately five minutes most times.  This is my answer.  He absolutely loves it, sings the songs all day long, and as a bonus, Miss Belle loves to dance to the music.

What a funny pair.  Naturally we now own a copy.  It is just amusing when he cruises around the house singing "Honey, honey or Mummy Mia."

one :: happy birthday miss belle

the caravan of hope :: spring tour

It has been named many things, however I prefer to think of this past weekend as the caravan of hope - spring tour.

My two sisters have been in town since wednesday and boy have we been busy.  Flashing the plastic, filling our gobs, and laughing until our sides split.

Girls night in with lots of treats.

The most exciting thing, opening the new kitchen mixer.

Isn't she lovely!

And picking up great finds at the markets.  A recycled tram roll.....love it!

I am so glad my family are cool.  They are the kind I would choose for friends as well as sisters,  I love that we can be real and honest with each other.  We don't avoid the hard stuff in our lives or relationships but walk through it together because we know how great it is on the other side.  Almost time to head to the airport....farewell dear ladies.....until next time...xxoo

The captain :: good job son

He has been nominated by his peers Captain of the state team he travels away with for the national futsal competition in Brisbane this month.  He was thrilled and I was so proud.

I am probably going to be in trouble about this post but am prepared to take the risk anyhow for what is an unashamed parental brag.

Here is my super cool first born ready to hit the town with his mates to watch something at the cinema.

We went shopping the week before to buy skinny leg black jeans at his request.

Firstly, I am not sure what the strange unexpected feeling I has was at the store.

Was it pride that he is the kind of kid to make his own choices?

Was is envy, that I can no longer wear skinny legs?.......well not at least until I return to my regular pre-baby shape.  In fact I truly can no longer blame the babies as Miss Belle is turning one next week, but that's another post.

Was it the OMG moment of, he is not really mine anymore but an almost teenager?

He still needed my help to get his hair.....just right so that was comforting.

He did tell me in a rather grown up voice "Mum.......I really do love you" as he skipped off down the street to meet his friend.

It was really exhilarating to watch through the window as he grinned from ear to ear at his freedom.  I remember that feeling well.  Growing up is full of highs like this and an uncrushable spirit of independence born by new experiences and optimism that the world in able to be conquered.  At least that's what I remember.

I love who he is.  He is not afraid to try something new, he knows what he thinks and is not afraid to say it.  He is tender and compassionate and an excellent brother to his baby siblings.  He is a gift to me.

Peace

Something I did to brighten the house, just for me.

I will be back soon with new thoughts and some small beginnings.

playing :: just for fun

A photo of Felix's hand, taken by Felix.

Miss Bubby as she is affectionately called by Felix in her groovy retro overalls.

A moment of delight.

Playing silly billy's with the camera just before bedtime.

I have recently removed an obligation from my schedule and the peace and relief that has followed has taken me by surprise.  I had a really fun time with the kids on Friday.  I mean really fun, enjoyable and not difficult to pass the time at all that day.  We made a big mess in the lounge room with all the couch cushions on the floor. We read stories while Felix told me he was "very busy" combing my hair.  Miss Belle just amused herself beside us climbing on the couch and off the couch many times.  I baked an apple and rhubarb crumble, mainly because it's cool to say rhubarb.  Felix totally loved helping and sorting the rhubarb out.  Also made a yummy Chilli Con Carne which is also a cool thing to say when you are two.  Fun, simple, satisfying.