Hope is an Anchor for the soul.

It's early 2016, the year started with a bang and the promise of hope, expectancy, new beginnings and daring to dream.

A new year is also a time of reflection and contemplation about some of the events of the past and the exploration of our thoughts and current beliefs about the world around us.

There are a few things I know which I was lucky enough to jot down over a quiet and peaceful lunch this week and a solitary walk on a quiet beach.

THE LIST GOES LIKE THIS

Looking after yourself physically and emotionally makes life work better.

Bitterness is destructive.

Healthy, dynamic, gracious and 'think outside the square' living rocks.

I am prone to making lots of mistakes but I also don't sweat them much these days.

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I can be very focused, yet entirely lazy at times.

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Everyone grows and moves forward on their own terms.  Or sometimes not.

No amount of preaching or enlightening will do it.  

It's the old saying, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.  That's cool.  There is a

 time for everything.  Releasing people to be themselves in their own time is a gift.

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I trust too easily but generosity of spirit is rare but so very worth it.  It's a flaw and strength that I won't part with.

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I get stuck and won't let go easily...... I can be stubborn.

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Trying and mastering new things is very empowering and liberating.

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Ultimately, you can't control too much in this life except yourself and your reactions to it.

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Being kind is always a good idea.  People don't expect it so much.

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Living in the moment, appreciating the ordinary and simple pleasures truly is the goal.

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Timing is everything.  I am learning to trust the timing of my life and not have it all figured out.

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It's not always black and white.

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Hope is an anchor for the soul

Hebrews 6:19

Week One :: Sans moving and relocating.

Permanent marker on the freshly painted walls.  So annoying yet strangely soothing and endearing and tradition inspiring.  It seems I have another 'old soul' on my hands and I am so very grateful for him.

Today was so sunny and gorgeous that I couldn't refuse the lure of my favourite magazine and tea on the lovely sunny north facing deck.  Am keeping the tan as long as possible.

An amazing blessing is the three gorgeous old apple trees in the front garden.  One Granny Smith and two Golden Delicious.  Apple Pie anyone?? 

Someone has gone to the trouble many years ago to splay the tree and we are grateful recipients of this forward thinking.

I adore my new kitchen space and am enjoying having to be creative until the tradesman returns to put up the shelves and fix the light fittings and power points.  Did I mention I have the perfect industrial black light fittings to go in next week.  Squeal of excitement for those.

A chandelier awaits this beautiful art deco space.  Whilst not in the pic, there is a fabulous timber drinks trolley/ cart in the corner just itching for a bowl of limes and decanter of gin.

The upstairs entrance hall.  

A boudoir in the making.  So nice to have fresh white everything.  A few more finishing touches and then my room is complete.

coming together

 The lounge room which has gorgeous floorboards underneath the vinyl (looking like floorboards)

 A bit of a shitty problem.  Leaky throne, demolished now and new floorboards required.

Loving some more space sans demolition of ugly pantry.

Wishing that the floors still had the retro vinyl uncovered by demolition.  After a visit to local flooring supplier I am deflated by the lack of initiative and also the complete disgust at my non acceptance of the status quo aka revolting vinyl selections available.  Tomorrow the mission is to find the perfect tiles or reproduction vinyl for the bathroom.

The beginnings of a beautiful sunny space with amazing river and city views.

Still baffled by this bad boy.  The current suggestions are Gold sifting machine, a grape press, or a timber sander.  A mini mystery to be solved.

Kitchen bench painted.  Dulux Domino and a very very willing model keen for any photo opportunity.

This bench came from an an old menswear store V.C. Shear's in my hometown of Dalby. Owned by an interesting local character Vince Shear. 

There was boxes and piles of dust covering it when I spotted it one morning on the way to my early morning coffee before work. 

Trading had long since ceased and the quirky little shop complete with ancient old King Gee posters... was his residence in retirement. 

He was such a character with stories of war times and secret missions and passed a couple of years back. 

He only agreed to part with it when he learned who my grandparents were and their kindness in running him around to cards, get well cards and hosital appointments….cemented the deal. It's such a treasured item and gives me a lot of joy to see it recycled finally as my kitchen bench!!!!

a place to call home

It's only three sleeps away and the excitement I thought I would feel is yet to kick it.  I went to inspect the home I have just purchased this afternoon and I was overwhelmed to say the least.  

With three days to go, the tenants have left a mess and I felt dirty just walking in.  Grease, grime, abandoned furniture, shabby fridge not even worthy of the worst kind of leftovers.

The impending prospect of being in my own home again after parting with my own…. a casualty of a divorce and marriage to a financial and emotional train wreck, is to say the least, exhilarating.  After losing so much, it is such a humbling and inspiring time.  New beginnings, excitement, vision and future.

However, the prospect of packing, painting, cleaning, working, home readers, two trips to Lake Barrington for Regatta's in the never-ending rowing season, lunches to pack, social engagements to attend, kids parties to participate in…. is just freaking exhausting!  

Thankfully, I'm armed with my 'trusted men' (think Nicole Kidman in Australia).   Painter A and Handyman M…. who I am certain will come to my rescue.  They are of course more apprehensive than I...but after we chewed the fat this afternoon, made some plans, commented on the enormity of the task at hand, I wrapped it up with my enthusiastic and romantic take on the vision of the project and how fabulous it would all look once I pulled it together…..

I think they are gradually coming on board.

So much work to do and some interesting objects to deciper. 

On the inside….I was shaking.  WTF have I got myself into.  ????  But a project manager must never show weakness…not even in the face of potentially what could be the remains of a drug lab in the ceiling, a renegade, eleventh hour squatter climbing out the downstairs window (note to self…install new locks) reluctant to part with his prime Sandy Bay water view location.

That was the moment I needed to do some quick thinking to trick my brain into action, quell the alarm bells ringing with vigour in my mind…… 

Slowly…I  opened the door adjacent the kitchen and took a long, deep breath and surveyed my surroundings.

  

After a deep breath… a knowing glance directed at the real estate agent and my courage is re-born.

So it's not too shabby after all.  The work will get done, Autumn will come, the fire will get stoked and the dream will be given life.  In the meantime, I look forward to the short term reward for settlement day with my best girls.

Perspective

Tomorrow the smalls come home after 10 days on the big island.  I was desperate for them to go and get loved up by grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins along with old friends from my hometown.

I couldn't wait for the break, the things I would do, the peace I would feel, the tasks I would achieve would be colossal and transform me back into the superwoman I knew I could be.  The hero cape wasn't flying so high lately and I decided a break from day to day practical parenting responsibilities would fix it.

I'm fairly sure I already knew this but I love my kids to bits.  I don't want to spend lots of time away from them.  I forgot and was confused by bearing the weight of too many titles that I wear as CEO of this small family.  Provider, mother, father, grandparents, mentor, housekeeper, cook and cleaner.

I want to be the kind of mama that is full of love, patience, wisdom, sacrifice but often I'm just not.

Often I want to escape to work, to friends, to activities, to books and stories of others lives.  I want rest from the responsibilities of solo parenting and the daunting task of shaping and guiding three lives.  This is a tough one when I don't get my own part right all the time.

I am in an isolated position of being given parenting feedback by only three people.  The children. As most parents would know, the negative feedback comes often and is most usually a complaint about the unfairness or meanness and often the food quality.

Their is no one else on your team or a coach to give you a pep talk at half time.  The job is simply mine.  But there is where it can be a great thing as well.  I get to do things my way all the time.  I don't need a democratic process in terms of leading the family which can be quite good.  The highs of parenting are mine alone and I can be proud of the job I'm doing when things go well.

Here comes the catch.  The thing I realized that I was really wanting was not to escape the kids, but to share them.  I wanted someone else who loves them to enjoy, understand and delight in them with me.  Often the highs are bittersweet as they can be the loneliest of times for a solo parent.

I can work, earn a living, provide social opportunities, sports, recreation and basic necessities for them pretty well.  I have kind of nailed the practical aspects for my tribe and am thankful I have the resourcefulness to bounce back and think outside the square with what they need.

I see that they have stacks of people to enjoy and appreciate them.  My lack is not their own, it's mine alone.  I see so clearly that I need to make peace with this to fully enjoy what is right in front of me.

Their measure is not the same as mine.  They don't see it through my lens of growing up with stacks of extended family around.  They don't see that lack.  They have never known a family with two parents.

It takes a village to raise a child and I look around and whilst ours is not traditional, it's solid and diverse and ever changing.  It's more than enough.

Home Town Blues

For whatever reason the topic of my hometown has come up an awful lot this past few weeks.  I always feel pretty emotional when I think about memories from home.  Especially in recent years when I find myself in the solo waters of raising a family and creating a home for them.

You see I always imagined subconsciously that my children would be surrounded by extended family.  I assumed that our shared values and traditions would be based on the simplicity of good living, honest dealings and generosity of  ones talents and abilities.

I made judgments that they would become fine young people based on the influences that I hold dear of my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and other extended family.

I grew up alongside of a large extended family who 'did life' together.  I admire and respect so much the times I shared with them.  Nothing sweeter that the smell of a BBQ on a summer night, running wild as children in the luscious gardens of my family home, or the scent of dust, grass and cotton on a hot night whilst running in and out of the conversations and laughter of the parents present at a farm party.

We shared as freely with our dear cousins as we did our siblings and endured the endless tennis tournament weekends our parents took or trips out west to visit friends on sheep grazing properties. Looking back, those Queensland bush tennis courts, weekends with friends and summer time BBQ's are held with such fond memories and innocent forced friendships that form the soul of who I am today.

I appreciate so much those simplicities now that my parents gave me, when now faced with the torment and arguments that prelude a trip to the local football match.

I won't ever give these up as I know I am forming memories for my children to cherish later on.  What I would give now for one of those long, drawn, out boring days.  So sweet now seem the fact that we were thrown together on those days.

I see that Australian Story is now about to broadcast a story about someone from our hometown next month and I feel so sad to be away from home.

Why I blog

Who you are when no one is looking

I've been thinking a little bit about my post title of 'who you are when no one is looking' which is one of the phrases that has been deeply etched in my soul from many years ago when I read Bill Hybel's book by the same title.

He talked about the fact that the world and it's people were suffering from an epidemic of endangered character qualities.  Delayed gratification, discipline, courage, integrity, endurance to name a few.

It's a little phrase I remind myself of when I have a choice between good and bad or in a simple way, the easy road or the harder yet more rewarding path.

It has dawned on me recently that I have held other's to account by this list of admirable character traits yet somehow my own accountability had faded into the distance.  In the place of the beautiful striving for character growth was a darkened and skewed expectation that these were demands and expectations of everyone but me.

I feel so grateful for the opportunity to re-set, take stock and move my perspective to the only place it should be, my own pursuit of these eternal qualities.

I am going to give myself a personal challenge to re-ignite the quest for character evaluation, growth, refining and perhaps dig out that dusty copy of Bill's book.

One final thought is a reflection on the definition of one of my favourite of the above mentioned traits.

Integrity is a personal choice, an uncompromising and predictably consistent commitment to honour moral, ethical, spiritual and artistic values and principles.

In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions. Integrity can stand in opposition to hypocrisy,

 in that judging with the standards of integrity involves regarding internal consistency as a virtue, and suggests that parties holding within themselves apparently conflicting values should account for the discrepancy or alter their beliefs.

Now there's something to think about and embrace in the hope it can be shared with the other three lives that are so heavily influenced by me.  

one fine autumn day

It's been months since my last post.  There just hasn't been anything to write.  Instead of filling my soul with things that inspire, I have been stuck on survive and the daily grind that becomes familiar all too often!

Today, the haze has lifted and I feel a new groove coming on.  I was so very lucky to be reminded of many lovely things I enjoy about my adopted southern state.

There is just something special about the folk of this great state.  Ordinary people, pursuing their passions and innovators of the best kind.

I was privileged today to meet two ladies who are carving their own niche whilst raising families and juggling their roles as wives and businesswomen.

Firstly a talented lady who had purple stained hands from the manual labour of love that is her boutique cool climate wine label.  I hear only wonderful things about Kate Hill Wines and am inspired by this ladies obvious passion and energy for all she does.

Secondly, a lady who lives on a working farm in Tasmania's Derwent Valley.  28 gates is a luxury farm stay accommodation well worth investigating.  This looks like a dream destination and one I will put on the bucket list for sure.  I love the enthusiasm and sincere honesty of people working hard to create and live their individual dreams.

Thirdly, the first match of the football season was today.

The weather was magnificent today.  Truly spectacular to enjoy overlooking the football ground out front and sparkling river to the east.  The first day of the season whilst not a victory was a reminder of something I hold so dear in the change of seasons.

The unifying bond of spectators gathered on the sidelines.  Problems are temporarily forgotten and shelved with carefree ease while engaging in the experience that is Amateur weekend footy.

Things have changed over the years I guess, with today's welcome addition, an espresso van in the car park a mark of the modern era.

You get to know a lot about people on the sidelines.  Weekly woes and troubling times are shouldered together and lightened somewhat when match time comes around.

Friendships are formed, relationships meshed together by common ground.  It's a true leveller of men and unusual ties are made and embraced.

The community is better for the relief of sportsmanship and fighting together with the team.  A place to meet and enjoy the lighter side of life during the cooler winter months.

Bring on the hot pies, scarfs and 'espresso' fix from the canteen.

Southern family christmas

itching :: for :: summer

So glad to have a beach trip planned somewhere warm this spring.

meet my vinnie

There is a new man in my life.  I know he looks a little shifty but I promise he gives me no trouble at all and is a really good listener.   He doesn't mind if my hidden from view winter legs are hairy or if I have a headache.

He doesn't even mind if I eat the last piece of chocolate or have bad breath sometimes in the morning. 

He's just an all round sensitive, strong but silent type with a touch of french fashion sense.  What more could a girl want.  I think he's a keeper.

I chose happiness

So I am loving the notion of the almost released The Winter I Chose Happiness album from Clare Bowditch.  Check it out.

I can relate to the title on many levels.  I mean, if ever there was a time to be unhappy it's been pretty valid lately.

Things are changing, hope is swelling, laughter is repeating, groove is coming back.  I mean, I think that this is actually the choice I have personally made.

I choose happiness.  I choose to be a little kinder to myself.  I choose to look despair and discouragement in the face and dare it to do it's worst.

I am coming back to myself and it feels so damn good right now.

And to celebrate, tickets booked to see this super cool lady live right here in downtown Hobart.

Yikes....how fun.

grit, guts and glory

Waiting in the emergency department for x-rays.

I love this guy.  Yesterday's soccer match saw a potential hand injury so we spent some time checking to see whether anything was broken or just bruised.  Fortunately it was the later.....big relief considering Aussie Rules finals are looming, and soccer nationals not much later so definitely not a great time for injury.  

So just some pain and discomfort for a few days no doubt.

We front up to australian football today and I was impressed at how well he was marking which is one of his great skills, brilliant playing and kicking a few goals as well......considering his condition.  

After the game, I asked how the hand was going and he said in a casual manner "excruciating"then a pause, followed by the following remark:-

The pain of losing is would be worse than the pain of my hand.  A true captain and inspiration to me and his mates.  

Less than 24 hours after the hand is hurt and he is carrying one of his team mates up the hill 

after the game as he had a sore leg!  Then shortly afterwards, scooping up his little brother and sister for a cuddle and helping them to the car.  He is a gentle and strong all at the same time.

He commands the respect of his team, coaches and opposition due to his character and ability. He is 

such a perfect combination of guts, compassion, leadership and courage.  He is an inspiration to me.....a true champion.

the girl with the little curl

I am truly grateful for spirited children with intelligence and spark.  I have seen how well this has served my eldest in shaping and developing character and confidence.  


I think the most feisty of all was saved for last.  The only girl in this tribe is going through that stage of temper tantrums, defiance, rude outbursts.  Of all three children she is the only one that seems to permanently have a finger wedged up her nostril.  
She calls names, spits, demands and directs.  

Meanie, stupid mummy and when that doesn't get the required effect a combination of all in mean, stupid, idiot mummy.  


And then as quickly as she has been possessed by the foul nose picking, finger licking demon, she returns that sweet adorable angel with blonde springy ringlets and sweet little smiles and kisses.


Reminds me of a poem from the past.  Clearly this is an age old problem of little princesses in the making.

There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good
She was very, very good
But when she was bad
She was horrid!

winter dreaming

Today's dump of snow on Mt Wellington and subsequent frosty weather has left me with a hankering for a cosy cabin at Cradle Mountain.

Fireplace and trip to the spa at the lodge and brisk walks to capture the beauty of the stark winter landscape.  Good food and soul rejuvenating scenery.

Sounds divine....now for how to make this happen.

to win the prize :: the fair maiden's heart

It seems that the universal differences between men and women still continue to amuse me.  I for one embrace the differences. I am definitely not a feminist and have no desire to be a 'man' yet do appreciate that God made us 'equal' heirs in Christ.


I think God with his perfect intentions and plan made a great recipe for companionship, satisfaction and unity.  I guess it's us who mess it up and get confused by whatever reality we have experienced or are working through.


Here is a note for men, I don't really care if you have a big boat, or a fancy car or many worldly achievements to date.  What I do want to know is about your heart, your character, your steadfastness in the face of an unreasonable and unpredictable world.


I want to know if you have the courage to choose the right thing when confronted with an easier more comfortable option. 


I would be impressed if rather than taking the usual status quo of remaining silent at critical times (think Adam in the Garden) you speak up for truth and justice and integrity.  


I am fictitiously thinking Steve McGarrett in Hawaii Five O.  I know girls...... you have all gone to those gorgeous strong arms, chiselled face and cheeky, sexy, grin....anyhow....I digress and promise to stay on track from now on.


I want to know if you will defend and protect me when the assaults of life and this journey deflate my delicate feminine soul.


I want to know if you will challenge me in Godliness and personal growth rather than comply to my every whim.


Sure, the boat, car and good pay check have some merit but in the eternal scheme of things means very little.

i do concur

online shopping

Today my impulsively timed (but well considered) swimsuit purchase arrived today.  I mean, winter? in Hobart? Anyhow, it was well overdue and will be handy for our beach holiday in October.

It is so exciting to get a parcel in the mail, even as a grown up.

The courier man asked with an odd smile on his face if I was expecting a parcel.  I politely answered yes, who is it from?  I have had an overdose of online shopping of late so not sure whether it was the package with sewing notions or this.

As I signed for it, I am sure he was flirting with me....yuck....he was old enough to be my father and then some and seriously......when does a fluro yellow shirt 'ever' become a man unless you are the calvin klein model...... even then it's definitely borderline?

I clicked later that the manufacturer also dispatches a lingerie range and clearly he was excited by the prospect of what was in the package.  Now that's enough to make me bring up my lunch.

So, much to my eldest son's disgust, I gave the family a little fashion parade and let me tell you, that these guys know what they are doing when it comes to making good swimwear.

I feel a little bit like Marilyn.....the brunette version at least.  Bring on summer.

small beginnings

In the work of God, the day of small things is not to be despised. God often chooses weak instruments, to bring about mighty things: and though the beginnings be small, he can make the latter end greatly to increase.


From Wesley's Notes