the meaning of christmas

Notice the crown, nice touch don't you think?

I went out to the shops tonight and was disappointed and it wasn't  because Santa and the elves had gone home for the night.

I feel grieved that during the daytime, the lineup to see Santa stretches a long, long way. Much longer than the line up to the local church to celebrate the birth of Christ.

I feel annoyed that a large number of the population feel put out that the "religious" folk insist on church stuff at this "family" and "vacation" time of year.

I do however feel enormous hope when I reflect on the incredibly controversial way the King of the Universe showed up on planet earth.  Helpless, dependent, physically inferior.  A disappointment no doubt for the watchers waiting for a powerful King to show up and save them. 

 It means that maybe he can somehow work with me, helpless, dependent on myself too much and physically limited by my weary body.  It's comfort takes more preference than the good of my soul more often than not.

I just love that about God.  He does unexpected things, is radical and politically incorrect.  He is counter cultural and tends to get people offside.  He is master and who are we to suppose that he take second place to a fat guy in a suit?

Most of all he understands our human failings and gives us this amazing gift of Hope.

That is what I will be thinking on these next few days.  The beautiful hope of Christ.

a not so secret santa

A very exciting parcel arrived at my place last week.  It is probably one of the most anticipated postal packages I have had all year.

Even though it arrived in the middle of the afternoon, I had to put it aside until the smalls were in bed.  I needed to fully absorb the experience of opening this special box.

 You see I am a part of a sisterhood that spans the globe.  We have a special bond of friends that spans all continents (I think) and trust me, you don't want to know how you get to sign up.  This year, we decided to have some fun and play secret santa.

 A squeal of excitement as I realise that it contains many little packages with super cute little gift tags. Something to listen to, something for when you don't feel like cooking, something for fun and many others!  How gorgeous is that paper?

This package was like a box full of comfort and love.  It is one of those amazing moments to know you have been specially thought of and the gift of the time and effort involved to sent a thoughtful collection of treats to enjoy.  Every thing so incredibly "just the right" thing to bless me.  You humble me dear friend. 

A crowded room

Do you know I feel more alone in a crowded room than I do on my own.  It's such a strange experience of feeling lost in a crowd.  It's so weird to watch people talk about the weather, make dumb jokes about ourselves and at each other and all the time be thinking "this is so meaningless".  To want to stand up on a chair and go "hey people, get a real problem to deal with!".

Naturally my perspective is skewed right now.  I have bigger fish to fry than which day to "do coffee" or make a "play date" or what colour to paint the nursery. I am trying so hard not to be bitchy and irritable but today it's just hard.  I am flawed and I have ugly emotions and thoughts.  I am real.

Do I choose to stay home because it's easier, pretend because it's easier, talk about the frivolous because it's easier?  No I refuse to be isolated yet I struggle to see how being lonely in a crowd helps?

I get surprised when I see people being so pedantically focused on little suzie or  jonnie's first solids and every little detail of what they do.  Really, it's a pretty normal thing to do as a parent,  I just barely have time to notice or the energy to engage.  How I long for the simplicity of that former life.

It makes me glad for the friends not scared off by the storms and the relentless burden and long haul of surviving a trauma.  It makes me see God with skin on when they love and serve endlessly.  

Someone said tonight something complementary about a particular couple.  What an amazing couple, they are pretty committed.  Why do we esteem so highly a particular type of people.  Who did Jesus esteem?  Were they the most interesting people around?  Most educated and intellectual? Wearing the right clothes? Did they have  2.5 kids, late model wagon and a sensible sized savings account? Are they full of the right words, at every church meeting and amazingly gifted?  What is your ideal model of success, approval and esteem?

Sadly I know I have my own collection of garbage in my mind.  Let's face it, I am the biggest critic of all.  Categorising and making judgments all day and every day.  It's just my sinful nature.  Thank God my identity is in him and him alone.  What the world sees as wisdom, he sees as foolishness.  I must learn to bring my thoughts back into sync with that truth sooner rather than later.

It is then that I realise that the difficulties in life are the biggest gift of all.  Taking me closer and closer to him, to the truth and the security of the knowledge of who he says I am .  A daughter of the king, who he is working on day by day and year by year.  Hopefully making something beautiful out of an impossible situation, as only he can.  Beauty from ashes.